My Theory of Doubt!!

First you have to doubt everything!! Where am I?....

I'm in that stage I guess, I know, am I??. Nothing seems the same anymore. Everyone and everything looks suspicious and in need of scrutiny. Everyone is up for inquiry. Oh I hate this... Should I look like this? Is this where I should be? Is this what they really are? Are you really asking me that? It's been an awesome few weeks anyway. Interesting to say the least. Everything looks all breezy and easy on the surface...beneath boils (Practically shit I love really) and I wondered...do we all go through this or I am the perpetual worrier? Courtesy of my ..... LOL. I worry about everything....evvveeeerrryything my dear. I hate it but it's what keeps me grounded. Geeeez sometimes I don't even give myself credit for shit. I just go through the details over and over so I can feel everything is alright. All the Details my dear.....evvveeeerrryy detail. Every boring one of them roll up like the end credits.....Best boy, Grip....Driver....Mr Twilight's Assistant

There's nothing like a quick fix for this cos this is no philosopher's blog. Just getting used to it I guess...the worrying! And a little of the "fuck it" gene goes a long way. I want to break this down and maybe then I can think I am safe knowing all that will happen. Honestly none of that is true...but my comfort is worrying and right now I seem to have struck a perfect balance.

Moving on swiftly....I feel like I need a change. In everything. Ok not everything but most of the things. Everything seems to be robotic from where I stand, jaded and similar to the bored classes of yester years....kind of like "I can predict my future" type of situation/life. Just at this moment I have decided to be a thrill seeking daredevil...To search for the sharp, tingling and exhilarating sensation I once felt.....wonder how long that feeling will last with this worrying alter ego.....!! tiktoktiktok. Maybe I need a thrill....any suggestions? I don't wanna wake up one day some years later and reminisce on the non existent....I need to fill the minutes now...something to tell the kids someday....something to talk about over a drink....In this hour of faintness and jaded interfaces....I will imagine myself involved in what oommp's and moves my heart, for in reality I have an enterprise to go to daily. Someone has to pay the bills in this house!!