Let's talk about this then..........

Time lies. Suddenly everything seems to have passed by. Milestones withstanding, we still think that we have all of the time to make things right. There always seems to be a chance to make amends, to say sorry, to take a class, to apply for a job, to help someone. What there is now are regrets, wishes and coulda's. Nothing really seems to make sense till it's past it's time. then we start seeing lovers, parents, friends as we should have. They start making sense. Nothing to do with life is ever supposed to make sense. Unless you are the teacher. I think half the time I really have no idea what I want. Might seem scary to some of the more established persons...but where I come from, it's the experience that counts. Plans only count as plans. They preview it. They serve to create and attitude towards something. Here, we experience stuff and look back and say " we should do this again."

Sudden lovers. Vows. Responsibilities and long days. Every thing looks different from here. I know I'm supposed to be appreciating some of these things around me nowadays. But what is the priority? I have recently realized the sky is beautiful. I do not know if it is from total ignorance or the lack of time but the last time I stared at the stars...I was a juvenile full of dreams, emotions. Suddenly this looks interesting. Deja vu like. Suddenly I notice the tingle, the smile. Only, just because...the pace of life let me off a little. I will be back to my routine days soon as the next deadline comes along.

Nothing really makes sense here. There is no black and white. There are hues, degrees and one is supposed to make sense of it all by some magical manner. Things are no longer so blunt. So direct. So honest. We play a game. it's called Mature. Mature has rules. It's social manners. Its not blurting out. It's saying the right thing. Its not hurting feelings. We all get into roles. Start playing nice. In Mature, people confuse security with boredom. Boredom with comfortability, quietness with contentment, money with success. In this room all things are magnified. Everything is in our face but we all choose to be oblivious to it. Everything seems bad, mediocre, small, selfish. Truth here is not appreciated. It is hawked like everything else inclusive of dignity. Everything here does not make sense after all. Everything here is in vain.

I feel like we lost it... we so deep. And we have no idea where some of the values went to.

Random...

I'm having one of those same ol' same ol' days at work. Please note that predictability at work is something that some of us do appreciate. It renews/ revatilises our need for sleep. I feel as random as I have ever been. She's my ride home and I hope she knows that afterall....I'm not walking all this way alone... we have to stick together.

Been off this blog for a while now. Not that I have been doing anything of importance. Too much partying with a bunch of friends who make this shit worthwhile. I swear some of these guys just make my weekends...I had a flirting situation with self thought this last few weeks. Let it be known, criticising oneself is not one of the best experiences I have ever had (Hic) but apparently I'm good at pounding my chances. It is relevant but not really something I'd happily whistle through. Although I'm learning to love it. From this apparently I will come out a new person....fat chance! So I learned I am as vulnerable as anyone else. Kids note that I am Superman and Mummy is my Sidekick (I'm gonna get fried for this...LOL). Shit, I think I just know how to mask all of this better. I came from the school of hardknocks, ask my mother. So I learn, sometimes the only person you can count on is yourself or that guy right there, the one saying you are a fool! The key is in making out the constructive part of the criticism. I hope I learned something though.

On a lighter note, I have been accused of making up things...some pretty schizophrenic stuff for that matter. LOL. Is that what a bad social life leads to? We'll get back to this when I find it really necessary to involve the other part. I'm on my Myspace page... Kinda decided to bleed this internet for all it's got. Thinking of starting a hawking business online...Think about it.

The economy is dead in the drain, the wives have to be explained, the other half is complaining about some terms, wanjiku is hungry, and one thing that unites us is the disinterest we see from the top office. What a funny room to be in. This year we gonna have one heated moment with these people. I hope the other half of the marriage is actually willing to explain to wanjiku what they want added on their plate. A case of renewing terms or learning you getting screwed along the way?! Something still smells foul in that room. And I aint about to clean shit. Something is brewing though.

I love time...the fact that it don't wait around. The fact that I have to leave work now. The fact that I'm counting down. ...the fact that...

just my random thoughts