Hey

Hey you all.

Whoever reads the blog anyway. Was out to do exams. Years later this shit dont change. Free now. Oh anything new? Been having a blast. From hanging out on weird days, drinking the way to the last cent. Fucking awesome. Just been having a pretty good time. Dec is one month which is one big excuse for having fun for the fuck of it...and I love an excuse for pint. Go on man....

Loving everything that is happening. The Lord loves the man I'm becoming and me too I have to concur. Blessings man. Oh yeah. Makes me smile. How funny things turn out. She is coming over for Xmas. Gonna be a blast. You guys I'm gonna be booked for the rest of the year...Party party party.....like a rockstar.

A reduction in Tweets, blog posts, emails is clear testament of someone having fun with real people...and me my friends is off to the evening pint...Bye

I have to fight just to make it through... and This is the embodiment of all that is going on.

Ladies and Gents, Breaking Benjamin perfoming Breathe from the album "Phobia".

"Breath"

I see nothing in your eyes, and the more I see the less I like.

Is it over yet, in my head?

I know nothing of your kind, and I won't reveal your evil mind.

Is it over yet? I can't win.

So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what's left.
I know that I can find the fire in your eyes.
I'm going all the way, get away, please.

[Chorus:]
You take the breath right out of me.
You left a hole where my heart should be.
You got to fight just to make it through,
'cause I will be the death of you.

This will be all over soon.
Pour salt into the open wound.

Is it over yet? Let me in.

So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what's left.
I know that I can find the fire in your eyes.
I'm going all the way, get away, please.

[Chorus:]
You take the breath right out of me.
You left a hole where my heart should be.
You got to fight just to make it through,
'cause I will be the death of you.

[Bridge]
I'm waiting, I'm praying, realize, start hating.

[Chorus:]
You take the breath right out of me.
You left a hole where my heart should be.
You got to fight just to make it through,
'cause I will be the death of you.

Up and up....

She looked like a scene from a movie. So eloquent, gliding…. Slow and deliberate. She looks like everything he will ever want. She is a mash up of all his boyhood dreams and fantasies. Then she disappears. Just like a mirage. She took leave. That’s how fast the dream fazed. And that’s how fast I took leave from my senses.

I have a bad feeling in my gut. It’s there before I sleep. It’s there every day I wake up. It’s there when I start straying from routine. It’s staining my existence. If I was ever alone on this road I never knew and now it all dawns on me. Things seem to be well on the outside but I have this bad feeling. It’s a concoction of fear, betrayal, disgust, love, affection, loss and a whole lot of things I hate facing. This is going to be a long ride and every night I have to face this. I have this bad feeling. It makes me want to turn off this switch. Yet it’s a moment I have to live through. 4wks in.

And today I woke up fine. Really fine. I’m Bipolar I guess but you can dispute the power a person has to push things the other direction. Things will always remain the same as much as they seem to be changing. A career, school, incomprehensible sequences in life. We all see what we want to see. Then we start complaining. As objective as one will want to be while in an emotional situation, you in for a rude shock. Somehow we all see what we want to. And it makes a lot of sense. Funny how things turn out. I’ma have one deep breath in and out and will make my point. I was losing anyway as soon as it all started. And right now I need to have lunch.

Loosing things..

I’ve lost the plot. The whole point of it all. Funny thing, when it all started out, there was a general idea of a goal and how it will be reached. Oh the audacity of hope. I have loud music blaring. Smoky room. And she looks damn good through the smoke screen.

How things change is amazing. Part of me is glad to have been through it all. Part does not want to entertain any of it. Oh how Ignorance is Bliss at this moment. I pace. I blaze. I like this. Then I hate the monotony of it all. One thing that is wonderful about existence, this moment right here is contrasts, opposites and the dance they have. Dwell on one side and you miss the whole point. Growing up is all about understanding shades of black and white. Making sense of experiences. Part of it is accepting things for what they are and moving on. The serenity comes in distinguishing the two arguments. I had some awesome times. I had some pretty hard ones. I had others that break sunshine on some days. I have had others that just left a hole where my heart used to be. But glad all the same. They make me. In a position where everything makes sense. Only one thing is missing. Maybe I will be driven by fear, but it was the only thing I ever wanted. I loved the one side of the coin, don’t dwell on it we say. Living on the other side of the coin. Not dwelling on it either. Nothing makes sense here. I kill the butt and delete the face from the screen. Not from memory.

Nothing makes sense where humans are involved. People will always do what they want to do. I hate society and groupings without order. They creep up on civilization when hedonism becomes our guiding mantle. Scope all the sense that you may have but basics are set when we all understand our emotional and physical boundaries within society or group. Beyond that it is anarchy. Beyond that, relationships are based on disrespect. Then we lose track of it all. I lost the plot there. I lost the whole point at this juncture. I hate losing. I lost. I will always wonder what if. But I tried. The memory fades. The ciggy is dead. The face fades. For all reasons in the world, that side of the coin will always not be static. I really need a beer now. A really cold one. . Always we??!!

Growing up and out

I can't write to save my black skin, but then again we are in no competition with no one. Author, Me bitch!!

Hello everyone, still not feeling like writing anything. No writer's block because I am no writer. Been having some busy few days. Work-wise and life-wise...and following up on some ongoing projects. Work suddenly makes sense and the only outage for my life. I'm losing some things that were important to me. Reconciliating thoughts and feelings will always be the hardest thing most men will do but I will never again feel the sadness I feel during those moments I am alone. Honestly I think I'm not getting what I should emotionally now. I will never make any excuses for anyone that is close to me and they all know that. Everyone grown has a reason for the actions they do and for the ones with extreme intentions to bile you out I reserve special attention. I bet as much as the next person that we can always reflect on what we are feeling and what we are doing and what it will eventually make people who are close to us to feel. Consequences I mean. Falling short of that and I feel like I am in no position to make this person feel the comfort they obviously were intending to get from their actions.

I hurt now like I did yesterday like I will next day. I just wanna zone out most of the time and this work is the only escape that I decipher will be comforting to my errant and degenerate thinking. I think I may have been taken to the edge, for the second time in my life. Oh How I Hate Being Weak. I loath the moment, the situation and the mere imagery of it. It's the only thing that reeks of something I hate. Right now it's the only emotional entity I want to dispose off.

It's really funny how people make excuses for everything they do. Everything. Emotional intelligence dictates the contrary. As much as someone contributed to my feeling weak and my dependence on another to make me smile, I blame myself squarely for letting another person in so fast. I lean on a rock that is me. Ask anyone. My family starts and ends with a mother. I live with me, by me and with expectations drawn up by me. Any sign of resignation on the part of my emotional stability will not be tolerated and I feel like a bully all of a sudden. Never will I feel like this again. Always be looking at people with that look in my eye. It's the only way to ensure my sanity.

The only thing I will blame everyone else is how they make me adapt to what they put across me. Just a stronger, more arrogant man with a funny sense of humor.

P.S. The Circle of Friends just grew smaller!!

Randomly! Laugh U fool

In the spirit of random 1st week's of the month..... a round up of all the funny stuff the net tends to conjure, manufacture or even at times pass for a fact. Who would know. Pretty a racy one this week. However, for the sake of all these fellows, we not going to group any of them under the Odd News segment. Our need to label shall not affect our humorous ways....

Of Politics?

A little boy goes to his dad and asked, “what is politics?”
Dad says, “well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the bread winner of the family, so let’s call me CAPITALISM. Your mum, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the GOVERNMENT.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the PEOPLE. The nanny, we’ll consider her the WORKING CLASS.
And your baby brother, we’ll call him the FUTURE. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense.” So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked he peaks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.” The little boy replies, “Well, while CAPITALISM is screwing the WORKING CLASS, the GOVERNMENT is sound asleep, the PEOPLE are being ignored and the FUTURE is in deep pool”

Of the Iraqi Prime Minister and my odd parallel references to Ali Baba and the forty thieves. I knew the folklore had to make sense. Basically, some guys rob a bank near a place where the PM was having a meeting, whatever happens next is pure comedy. The PM found the loot!! Mmmmhhh ... I believe Kenyan politicians need to see this as a case study. Why campaign when you can pull a fast one and be a hero. Dummy. Read here.

Wenger as in Arsene has been having a roughshod week.... Kind of feeling sorry for the thin Frenchman... but then again, we just wanna laugh. Harry P piece on Wenger's Pint sized men made my day... Have a read...

Random Tuesdays...

Pretty much out of the ordinary.... Listening to Koffi Olomide??!! Haiya. Catching up with stuff from school( Management Trends).
Crisp white shirt with a checked dark blue tie.....

catching snippets on my fav Tech blog....

Nothing to post.... All I have on my mind is this.

An ad for a roommate... Ha!! Your Utopian attitude comes up short once again.

About You:
You are fucking awesome. You are the housemate anyone would want. You have conversations with your housemates as well as have your own personal life out side of us. You laugh at jokes, have a great sense of humor but are not fake, flakey, full of shit, or pretend. You already know how great the neighborhood is and have friends you see all the time around the way. You are a girl or guy with a great sense of personal care. You make nasty in the bathroom you light incense. You make mac n’ cheese you do the dishes and maybe even the single cup the person before you left behind. You have a passion for something creative that you honestly peruse. You don’t say you are a writer, you have 6 chapters done and working on number 7. You don’t say you are a painter, you have awesome art that your housemates love to see and talk about. You are open to new ideas, music, people, foods, and art. You don’t have any pets. You don’t have some dependant boyfriend or girlfriend that is always sitting on our couch and eating my cereal. You are trustworthy, respectful, honest, and neat. At least neat in common areas. You shower, wear deodorant, brush your teeth, do laundry and even bust out the broom and murder some dust bunnies. You are not a couch potato.
You have a handful of awesome friends that are respectful and nice to your housemates also. Your friends don’t come over to often and they and you ask if someone can sleep on the couch. You do not use drugs. You do not lie and say you don’t drugs then actually do. Trust me we will find out if you do. I repeat you do not have some sketchy delivery guy dropping off little white bags of death at 6 in the morning at my home with a few asshole friends. You do occasionally smoke some greens and share with your roommates. Occasionally not excessively. You are not whiney. You are not gossipy. Your are not a slut, you are not a douche bag. You work a job or two. You have a job with perks we can all use. You pay attention to sound and alarms. Your are over all CONSIDERATE ABOUT THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU. You do not smoke cigarettes in our home. You use apple computers and read vice magazine. You are not too old, you are not too young. You are not a drama king or drama queen. You are not an asshole. And you think this apartment sounds like the best place for you.

Seacom is live.. Minus the surprising secrecy of which ISP's in the country have bought or are on board with them, I see a bright future when it comes to internet in Africa. Twitter is abuzz with activity and only the IT geeks can relate. The big event has happened and now, rightly so, I am in the stage of inquiring when the trickle down effect will come to the guys on the ground. When are we "tasting" the heavenly speeds as some are suggesting... 359ms on the ping...Goddamn!!

Nothing much to say but that I'm as giddy as a fat kid with cake.... As if I don't blog enough? I hope to have that net in the house... If you looking for a business idea, open a rehab for this new addiction. I'm out and back on the #seacom forums on Twitter.

Numbers don't lie...

Lifted this off a friends blog.... Quite interesting!

At 12hr 34 minutes and 56 seconds on the 7th of August this year (2009),
the time and date will be

12:34:56 07/08/09

in numeric form it is

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

This will never happen in your life again??!!!! Never Ever??? Never ever again....

Profoundly????

I hate not updating this blog...on a regular basis! So will start a whole twitter logic towards my updates...the shortest blog that encloses all that is on my mind. To the point. Today, I have some profound questions that need answering. With Blog readers around who are quite capable of profound thought, please do not hesitate to drop a line or two!

What's really the pull in Twitter?
I find it magnetic but within my sorroundings, the attitude of some ranges from ambivalent to downright ignorant.. Is it the 140 characters and all the psychological implications of following without the need to get involved? I know that's my reason for avoiding Facebook...Yours?

What's going on with this government?
From downright concerned to apparently disgusted with apparent events in the government, am I the only one feeling the apparent lack of leadership? As complex as the current situation may look to some, underlying logic should dictate decision but never with our politicians. Your take?

What happened to Teams Fiber?
Or should we not ask?

Having a pretty vibrant day in the office today. Got lots of blog material to read and catch up to. My Google reader is extremely poignant and has this pulling effect of ciggies and chocolate.... This days when I am full of life, everything is possible. Welcome Seacom onto the table...

Kenya's worst nightmare

During her rise to fame, American comic Roseanne Barr once quipped that she and then-husband Tom Arnold were "America's worst nightmare: white trash with money." Find parallels with the lawmakers this country has and we realize we always had a problem from the ground up.

Out of the days that we expected change, economic growth and hope from our leaders, now we just sit and hope that someone finds some sanity in all this madness. Today all I saw in the papers is an inclination that Kenya is a failed state. I wish someone would stand up and make an argument to the contrary but we all know where all the warmongers are. If the ICC did not make them retreat from their hard line positions, then the electorate are doing a good job at that. If there was ever a time one is not proud of their generation, this will be prominent among my memories. The situation is deplorable and tiring, inexcusable and sorry, pathetic and endless. Nothing works anymore, politics, petty at that seems to be the only crap we see on our news on any given day. Senses are out of the door as we sling crap at each other. I'm tired and assume so are the other millions of Kenyans. When did this country go to the dogs and on who's watch? Someone left their senses at the door and managed to officiate the worst governance of an emerging and stable democracy within the shortest possible time. You see what the political elite in this country do not know is that they cannot fool everyone all the time. Sooner or later someone will have to account for all of this degeneration.

We do not posses white trash but we definitely posses a similar case in our societal context. From under a dollar a day to controlling the assets of ministries, the whole idea of a nightmare creped in within the shortest time. Guzzlers, enormous bank accounts from public funds, irresponsible roadside statements, tribalistic venom and disappointing choices of ties for the poor suits, you really need a sociologist to get all this.. The List in the ICC is the best thing that could have happened. Politicians have simmered down, people are hurrying into meetings trying to look purposeful, some are talking in terms only attributed to the guilty facing the executioner. You see the problem sirs, there is no excuse for violence. Whether an election was stolen or not, there is no excuse. Live with it. If there was no confidence in taking election grievances to the courts, I think the parallels with the perpetrators of violence is clear. There will be no justice so all that talk about a local tribunal is hypocritical. I woke up with a funny dream today.... and someone in this dream had a sorry look. Our white trash just lost all that was never theirs in the first place.

I knew we was done....

In the world of romance, one single rule applies:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry,
That's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing(0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with iron rod (+10) It's her pet (-10)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college

buddy(-2)

Named Tina (-4)

Tina is a dancer (-6)

Tina has silicon implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner (0)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

And it's all-you-can- eat night(-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can- eat night, and your face is

painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+2)

You take her to a movie she likes (+4)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it(+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy

Hawaiian shirts (-30)

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you lose points no matter

what]

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what

looks like a concerned __expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

Now what chance do you have???

pass it on to the guys for info & to the girls for a good laugh

Referenced but not declared...

Damn this computer language can be confusing and downright capable of making me look illiterate....aaarrrggh...and all i had to do was add the XML code to my webpage.... Shit...guess I have a sour grapes story for this event to.

Having a frustrating afternoon with the internet, computers and all this. Even blogging has become a challenge for the brave...in the words of my nephew... "maneno imekuwa ngumu"... I really need to have a coffee before I take this out on someone...

On a positive note... I really think I'm addicted to all this Internet everywhere....Blogging, Twittering, on Facebook, Blogging....research. How long till I fall. The last person I ever have a true conversation includes 3 of my friends and my girlfriend...the rest are banished to 2nd tier friendship...relations to be discussed via an internet social networking site. Not complaining though, since I spend most of my hours there I must be the one friend they can't get rid of. LOL. Posts are the new "hi's"... don't we all love facebook status posts...the serious ones, the happy ones, the TMI ones and the ones we stare in awe...then we comment.. then we feel we are close to you ...then we go back to work then we comment again. Arrrgghhhh.... Emails with the Queen's english have been banished.... Wonder what will happen when that fiber optic actually goes live.... All this internet madness repeated at the confines of my home...armed with a laptop even in the loo.

Interneats Anonymous...that's my new rehab place... Maybe I will check in tomorrow....Maybe.

Napenda Uhuru Kenyatta

There's great fascination, excitement, appreciation for Mr Finance Minister after yesterday's budget reading..... Young Kenyans are ecstatic...you need to see the Facebook posts and blogs to see how loving Uhuru looks right now for not increasing the price of Alcohol and what is relevant to us in our quest to get laid in this city of ours.. The things that unite kenyans will always be baffling. If elections were to be held today there will be no competition whatsoever in relation to who was going to do a repeat of Barca over Man U.... Stimulus package for the constituencies?? Walalala...Uhuru had this shit figured out mpaka watu wamesahau the "9Bn error".

So pint might remain at the same prices from last year...mmhhh and cosmetics duty goes down from some high percentage - 20% to 5%- is this bad news or what...??!!! The over made up women we had to deal with earlier and now this...like I said earlier, I can imagine how the rave and nightspots will be like minefields...LOL. You might just end up picking the scariest of them all. But she smells good. Wonder what the government wanted to achieve with that piece of irrelevant genius. Can you imagine the number of men who will be screaming their asses off on Sunday morning on seeing the previously hot woman without make up....It's gonna be Scary Sundays Galore and you're all invited. They all going to be traumatized into church. Of all the good gifts that we recieve, this one I am skeptical of. Just more coating and cheap perfume if I might say.

It is also worthy to note how Kenyans feel they need to know how the Budget affects their well being..yet this Friday we all going to be at the bars drinking all our potential savings. If you thought we have peculiar calling habits think again.... we have everything peculiar...from raves, to weddings and how we end up having the whole family at the airport when taking the flight to Malawi....Just Malawi. LOL. One more reason to love this country of ours.

P.S; I'm having a deja vu time right now..I have been here before.....Haven't we all.

I bet u gonna laugh!!!.

A Liverpool fan, an Arsenal fan and a Manchester United fan were all in Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Liverpool fan was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The ManU fan was next up. After watching the Scouser in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the ManU fan was soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do).

The Arsenal fan was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You support one of the biggest club in the world and your team is the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!" "Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", he replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20 lashes but, 100 lashes." "Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave". The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish"? "Tie the Man U fan to my back.

My Theory of Doubt!!

First you have to doubt everything!! Where am I?....

I'm in that stage I guess, I know, am I??. Nothing seems the same anymore. Everyone and everything looks suspicious and in need of scrutiny. Everyone is up for inquiry. Oh I hate this... Should I look like this? Is this where I should be? Is this what they really are? Are you really asking me that? It's been an awesome few weeks anyway. Interesting to say the least. Everything looks all breezy and easy on the surface...beneath boils (Practically shit I love really) and I wondered...do we all go through this or I am the perpetual worrier? Courtesy of my ..... LOL. I worry about everything....evvveeeerrryything my dear. I hate it but it's what keeps me grounded. Geeeez sometimes I don't even give myself credit for shit. I just go through the details over and over so I can feel everything is alright. All the Details my dear.....evvveeeerrryy detail. Every boring one of them roll up like the end credits.....Best boy, Grip....Driver....Mr Twilight's Assistant

There's nothing like a quick fix for this cos this is no philosopher's blog. Just getting used to it I guess...the worrying! And a little of the "fuck it" gene goes a long way. I want to break this down and maybe then I can think I am safe knowing all that will happen. Honestly none of that is true...but my comfort is worrying and right now I seem to have struck a perfect balance.

Moving on swiftly....I feel like I need a change. In everything. Ok not everything but most of the things. Everything seems to be robotic from where I stand, jaded and similar to the bored classes of yester years....kind of like "I can predict my future" type of situation/life. Just at this moment I have decided to be a thrill seeking daredevil...To search for the sharp, tingling and exhilarating sensation I once felt.....wonder how long that feeling will last with this worrying alter ego.....!! tiktoktiktok. Maybe I need a thrill....any suggestions? I don't wanna wake up one day some years later and reminisce on the non existent....I need to fill the minutes now...something to tell the kids someday....something to talk about over a drink....In this hour of faintness and jaded interfaces....I will imagine myself involved in what oommp's and moves my heart, for in reality I have an enterprise to go to daily. Someone has to pay the bills in this house!!

Let's talk about this then..........

Time lies. Suddenly everything seems to have passed by. Milestones withstanding, we still think that we have all of the time to make things right. There always seems to be a chance to make amends, to say sorry, to take a class, to apply for a job, to help someone. What there is now are regrets, wishes and coulda's. Nothing really seems to make sense till it's past it's time. then we start seeing lovers, parents, friends as we should have. They start making sense. Nothing to do with life is ever supposed to make sense. Unless you are the teacher. I think half the time I really have no idea what I want. Might seem scary to some of the more established persons...but where I come from, it's the experience that counts. Plans only count as plans. They preview it. They serve to create and attitude towards something. Here, we experience stuff and look back and say " we should do this again."

Sudden lovers. Vows. Responsibilities and long days. Every thing looks different from here. I know I'm supposed to be appreciating some of these things around me nowadays. But what is the priority? I have recently realized the sky is beautiful. I do not know if it is from total ignorance or the lack of time but the last time I stared at the stars...I was a juvenile full of dreams, emotions. Suddenly this looks interesting. Deja vu like. Suddenly I notice the tingle, the smile. Only, just because...the pace of life let me off a little. I will be back to my routine days soon as the next deadline comes along.

Nothing really makes sense here. There is no black and white. There are hues, degrees and one is supposed to make sense of it all by some magical manner. Things are no longer so blunt. So direct. So honest. We play a game. it's called Mature. Mature has rules. It's social manners. Its not blurting out. It's saying the right thing. Its not hurting feelings. We all get into roles. Start playing nice. In Mature, people confuse security with boredom. Boredom with comfortability, quietness with contentment, money with success. In this room all things are magnified. Everything is in our face but we all choose to be oblivious to it. Everything seems bad, mediocre, small, selfish. Truth here is not appreciated. It is hawked like everything else inclusive of dignity. Everything here does not make sense after all. Everything here is in vain.

I feel like we lost it... we so deep. And we have no idea where some of the values went to.

Random...

I'm having one of those same ol' same ol' days at work. Please note that predictability at work is something that some of us do appreciate. It renews/ revatilises our need for sleep. I feel as random as I have ever been. She's my ride home and I hope she knows that afterall....I'm not walking all this way alone... we have to stick together.

Been off this blog for a while now. Not that I have been doing anything of importance. Too much partying with a bunch of friends who make this shit worthwhile. I swear some of these guys just make my weekends...I had a flirting situation with self thought this last few weeks. Let it be known, criticising oneself is not one of the best experiences I have ever had (Hic) but apparently I'm good at pounding my chances. It is relevant but not really something I'd happily whistle through. Although I'm learning to love it. From this apparently I will come out a new person....fat chance! So I learned I am as vulnerable as anyone else. Kids note that I am Superman and Mummy is my Sidekick (I'm gonna get fried for this...LOL). Shit, I think I just know how to mask all of this better. I came from the school of hardknocks, ask my mother. So I learn, sometimes the only person you can count on is yourself or that guy right there, the one saying you are a fool! The key is in making out the constructive part of the criticism. I hope I learned something though.

On a lighter note, I have been accused of making up things...some pretty schizophrenic stuff for that matter. LOL. Is that what a bad social life leads to? We'll get back to this when I find it really necessary to involve the other part. I'm on my Myspace page... Kinda decided to bleed this internet for all it's got. Thinking of starting a hawking business online...Think about it.

The economy is dead in the drain, the wives have to be explained, the other half is complaining about some terms, wanjiku is hungry, and one thing that unites us is the disinterest we see from the top office. What a funny room to be in. This year we gonna have one heated moment with these people. I hope the other half of the marriage is actually willing to explain to wanjiku what they want added on their plate. A case of renewing terms or learning you getting screwed along the way?! Something still smells foul in that room. And I aint about to clean shit. Something is brewing though.

I love time...the fact that it don't wait around. The fact that I have to leave work now. The fact that I'm counting down. ...the fact that...

just my random thoughts

Carpe Diem " Seize the Day"

Ever had an awesome day and thought it will never end? The first feeling u get when u wake up in the morning is one of finality and settled down feelings, excitement hangovers.....I think I can relate. I think President Barack Obama is having this same feeling. I'm assuming.

As much as it may be the best moment in your life, tomorrow it will be subjected to a memory and sooner it will be subjected to history. Please note that only relevant and world changing events are my basis for this post. Don't despair though for your time is coming. I really do not have a story to tell though I just felt like having a crack at this. I have a good feeling about the future, about what I will achieve..... been a long time since I woke up with this feeling and I bet it will last. Maybe I have been stung with the excitement in the air but I doubt. Always had a Zen like attitude before so he only lasts to reinforce my situation and not to start it. I see weeds I need to uproot. A route I need to follow to glory. I see possibilities in my situation. I seize the moment more and more today. I fucking sound like a romantic when it comes to life but nothing was borne without passion and enthusiasm. For my future I have and damn all distractions.

I see I have to change but this is going to be hard as I go on. Need all the help that I can. I flock my senses all day with goals that will make sense in the near future, in some years but habit is always in the way. My failure to make hard choices, to grind out the best....mmmhhh hope does not catch up with me in time. Deliver me from this Lord. I'm not as strong as you may think but will always exceed my limits, imaginary or real.

Today I make a decision to dig deep and find more. I hope I make sense to me for only that is the approval I require.


NB: And Oh Lord deliver Kenyans from these premature, hedonistic public servants and politicians in this country. Crap crap crap crap....

Of Brick games....and basics

God talks to us in very strange and subtle ways. I'm not going to claim he talked to me but what I can see has divine connotations to it.

It took a brick game to teach me some basic lessons in life that I took for granted in this pace of life. It is a fact that nothing is to be taken for granted. Like every strategist, the line between victory and defeat lies in the individual combats and battles within the war...Apply that to your situation and you notice how you fail. As much as you may have your eye on the bigger picture, something is missing out in the commitment you are willing to give to the mesh within the fiber. As many shapes and sizes of bricks one gets in the event of a game, one has not more that a second to find the best fit. No time for complaining, contemplating, strategizing....just pure and simple adaptation to the game and how best to fit a brick. I played approximately 20 times before I began to get the point. I cannot influence what is coming to me. I just have to be best prepared to make the best construction of the coming bricks. Damn this life. Mama said it was gonna be hard. Does it have to be this tricky too.

We are not in any control of what is coming. Life is in the moment one experiences. We mould ourselves by taking on the now. We learn in the moment and as we experience reaction, texture, feeling, emotions bla bla bla....we get to know how to deal with what we have and what is coming. It might be the most ideal of explanations but how many times has something happened that was not in any of your A, B or C plans. A plan is only that in regards to the opportunity present. Take advantage of that moment for it is really the only sure thing that is promised. As much as we dream, only the opportunity we have at the moment calls for/determines the next experience in our life continuum. Grand as plans the may be....if they don't fall within God's then they are just bound to fail.

Take every brick and find suitable fits, life gives one lemons and damn well make a lemonade. Start complaining and you will miss out on the apples coming in. I'm learning to experience the now and be very accountable for the next events along my continuum. Fucking awesome ain't it.... I just hope this works..

What can I do for you?

Normals are on the outside looking in.

It's a vibrant party inside, lethargic glances, full of desire, scheming and contempt all in one go. You will have to be here long enough to separate all the emotions. They might be a meter apart, neighbours to say the least but they could never be more different.

Laughter rents the air, those looking in can only see the reaction and not share in the joke! Seemingly they thought they were part of this group. Out here they start leaving slowly. Suddenly it's dawning that they may/ do not have a stake in this. This is one of the many things they will have to sit out and watch. Crafty as some thought they were, they really are not in control of anything at the present moment. Neither am I. We all looking in on something. We all have a need that is dictated by a cliche of biggies. We all can do something about it. Not at the moment. But somewhere along the line you may have a decision to make on whether you getting all you deserve. Whether you want to do something about it or you will be the one content at having some person make that call for you.

We all start making our way home. We all start thinking we are powerless after some time. We all want to make sense of it all. The truth is that we let someone be in control of our situation. There will be no room for normals where I'm going. Self preservation is the in word and what you have to offer has to be printed on your forehead.

At last I answer my phone with a new catch word " What can I do for you?"

2009

I'll be damned.... Surely the irony of time can never be underestimated...

2009 and here comes the first posting of the year. Had great times last year and I'll be damned to dwell in it's memories. I love what's coming this year! Ok I don't know what is really coming but I is the normal "Opti". It is all going to work out well. A lot has happened in the last 5 days but the only thing I have learned since, "There is always something extraordinary happening every moment, the key is in being interested". This will be my moto this year...I will be interested or maybe in some instances act like it.

The year started good people. She is coming home, I wanna move to a new place. Just about to jump ship proffesionally. Laughed a lot, partied some more.... Saw why they called that cocktail "Brain Damage"!!! Is that drink even legal??? This year is gonna be awesome and I hope to be part of the great times...

Happy New Year and have some Fuckintastic times.....!!!! ;-)