Of Growing up and the loss of simplicity....

I like someone wonderful! I spent sometime with her...Irony is I had to lie to close friends because of the complications that come in. Don't I hate the glassy transparent issues that may seem incosequential yet they carry weight as u grow older!! Nothing seems simple as you grow up. Like asking someone out... Your parents question her tribal affiliations, political views. Friends dissect and plough in. Everyone will have an opinion I guess. But what to do.

There seems like a lot we have to deal with in all days as you grow older. Nothing is black and white. There are shades within it and be you lacking in finesse of differentiation! You will be eaten alive!!! Wind in and out of the duties of living but be careful of submitting to the unpronounced or quiet demands of a society.

I like the part where I can have my own blog....not for the writing! I suck at it....just for the communicating part even though hardly no one reads this blog. I can't write all I want either lest someone I know stumbles on this shit and raise a whole furor in Nairobi. Walalalala Amani amefanya nini???!! At the extreme you may have this flirting idea that you living on your own terms. Be aware at this moment of heightened thought of kind rebellion, you're actually in sync to what is expected of you. A moratorium of identification. These guys had this covered from day one! Ha!

I don't have time to miss the experiences...sometimes I talk like I'm 80...Hehehehe. I'll grab this and get my moment of rebellion. However short it may be, I can get my satisfaction till I get ridiculed.

It all makes sense though as we go on. This rules, transparent and coercing ideals or rules just serve to keep order and in all instances it's for the good of the bigger society. As much as we may lose the simplicity of doing what we like, I don't think I could live in a hedonism fuelled society. Not that I won't pursue my moment with her.... but my situation pales in comparison to the multitude and purpose of this arguement. Damn that was serious. I just wanna date her!! I had fun sweetheart, and whatever angle I look you still hot dear ;-)

I promised me that I will not dive back into the dating game unless I fall in love/ if that exists or a girl makes me have crush like a 15yr old boy.....I got my wish. Not that I'm dating her, I got the crush part. She's been in my head like a melody and I can't help but sing. I'm still naive when it comes to explaining myself and my emotions for that matter.... qsn! Where do we go from here??

I had fun this weekend. The simplicity of it all will be in my head. For some time to come. I learned one other thing about me this weekend. And again I am amazed.....

Have a gr8 week.

Does it make sense...

U think u know who u are...and everyday someone challenges this very knowledge and premise. It could be a long ride that we are all in as we try to figure all of this out. I'm of the strategy of experience....my famous tabula rasa initiative of thinking and tackling the world..."I know nothing and I'm really interested in learning something from u"....let's see how far this fantasy/facade takes me before reality shocks my ass...

Gross and terminal as this statement comes across "we really have no idea what we are doing here".....it actually has an element of truth in it....Can u imagine a higher being looking down and looking at 50% of the shit u do!!!! I smell disapproval all the way.

We all have an insane urge to be better than the next person. Be it in religion, work, human relationships et cetera..... We end up fucking the simplicity of it all..... something in relation to the sentiments of Greenday's "Working Class Hero". We lose the Art of Living in all this pace of wanting to outdo the other....'I can pray better, I make more money, I have a better family'. Damn....what happened to that feeling when someone nice smiles at u from accross the room. I try to grasp that on a daily basis. I can honestly say the basis for that innocent appreciation of someone new died when the reality of University education and a good job settled in my gut when I was in high school.

I still count....Maybe along this continuum of commonality....something will pop up and make this all seem simple. We still jungle animals and no amount of socialization is going to make this go away..I'm taking a step back. Tik tok tik tok