Loosing things..

I’ve lost the plot. The whole point of it all. Funny thing, when it all started out, there was a general idea of a goal and how it will be reached. Oh the audacity of hope. I have loud music blaring. Smoky room. And she looks damn good through the smoke screen.

How things change is amazing. Part of me is glad to have been through it all. Part does not want to entertain any of it. Oh how Ignorance is Bliss at this moment. I pace. I blaze. I like this. Then I hate the monotony of it all. One thing that is wonderful about existence, this moment right here is contrasts, opposites and the dance they have. Dwell on one side and you miss the whole point. Growing up is all about understanding shades of black and white. Making sense of experiences. Part of it is accepting things for what they are and moving on. The serenity comes in distinguishing the two arguments. I had some awesome times. I had some pretty hard ones. I had others that break sunshine on some days. I have had others that just left a hole where my heart used to be. But glad all the same. They make me. In a position where everything makes sense. Only one thing is missing. Maybe I will be driven by fear, but it was the only thing I ever wanted. I loved the one side of the coin, don’t dwell on it we say. Living on the other side of the coin. Not dwelling on it either. Nothing makes sense here. I kill the butt and delete the face from the screen. Not from memory.

Nothing makes sense where humans are involved. People will always do what they want to do. I hate society and groupings without order. They creep up on civilization when hedonism becomes our guiding mantle. Scope all the sense that you may have but basics are set when we all understand our emotional and physical boundaries within society or group. Beyond that it is anarchy. Beyond that, relationships are based on disrespect. Then we lose track of it all. I lost the plot there. I lost the whole point at this juncture. I hate losing. I lost. I will always wonder what if. But I tried. The memory fades. The ciggy is dead. The face fades. For all reasons in the world, that side of the coin will always not be static. I really need a beer now. A really cold one. . Always we??!!